John Carter is a soldier in the American Civil War in 1860’s. A very reluctant soldier, who is much more interested in finding gold. In a gold mine like place, he finds a medallion and a foreboding god like presence appears, and suddenly John is whisked to desert like reddish landscape, where he has gotten some superhuman strength, most present the ability to jump – 100 times longer and higher than he was able to back home.
Well, John learns that he is on Mars, or Barsoom as it is called locally, where two fractions of humanoids are combatting each other for the power of Mars. There are some other, not so human-like, creatures on the red planet, let’s call them the (red) Indians, as well as some huge and ugly creatures.
Of cause there are a bit of a point to this story, but it’s something that we have seen before (Avatar, perhaps), and this is one of the worst takes on this story I’ve seen yet! It is by far the worst movie I’ve seen in 2012 so far, although ‘M:I4’ is not trailing that far behind. If you ask me, I think that Edgar Rice Burroughs should have stuck to his Tarzan stories.
Most of the cast are giving mediocre performances at best. Usually great english actors, such as Cierán Hinds, Samantha Morton or Mark Strong, were not able to pull this movie out of the abyss. The only one that really stands out, is the quite big Speedy Gonzales-like dog-like CGI creature 😉
This was the first movie in a long time, I was on the brink of dozing of to! Hence, I cannot give this boring mess more than: